"The Eighteenth Week", Monica Berlin
Hello everyone!
While reading Monica Berlin’s “The Eighteenth Week”, I couldn’t help but notice the unique ways in which she went about writing this essay. The different shifts in point of view helped create this nonlinear story that was about the life of this woman who was having issues in her pregnancy and her mental health, while also tying in a story about the repairs of an old house she was living in. The themes of pregnancy and house repairs juxtaposed each other throughout the whole essay and it made for an interesting read. I know at times while I was reading I couldn’t help but be a little lost in the different point of views- it would go from her struggling about her pregnancy to the workers and what they were thinking or doing. For a couple of moments I caught myself just wanting some clarity on one point of view rather than it bumping around from one to the other. But isn’t that the beauty of writing and being creative? To have freedom in our writing. I think we are given such broad platforms to explore and create and sometimes in writing I find myself sticking to one style of writing. I stick to one style of writing, or write about the same thing over and over because I know that’s where my comfortability lies, and whenever I have to go above and beyond and find those creative narratives or styles of writing it can be hard for me. I always think to myself will this be good enough? Will people like it? Is this being too vulnerable or too outside the box of conventional writing?
I know there is no “conventional writing” because all writing is original but I want to ask you all this, was there ever a moment in your writing careers when you wanted to write about something but there was a lingering fear that kept you from expressing yourself in an authentic way? Or fear of being too vulnerable with your writing? What did you do in that situation? Did you combat those thoughts with confidence or did you give into your fears?
I have definitely let my fears hold me back from writing what I want to, and it’s not an easy process to just let those anxieties disappear. But one thing BJ mentioned in his podcast was this quote, “What would you write if you weren’t afraid?”
Hello! Great post. A choice in the writing I personally found interesting was the choice to write it in third person instead of first. It's written in third person but the narrator is omniscient, with lines like, "Ashamed now, she remembers, months ago, how she had hoped for a flood so they could afford to replace everything. Who wishes for a flood?" The narrator knows how she is feeling, knows what she is remember, and then even offers a judgmental question. The third person writing allows for a more objective point of view rather than first person, but I want to know more about the choice to write it this way. It is to distance herself from the trauma of the event? Does she write this character as 'she' instead of 'I' because she no longer feels like this woman? I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your questions go I do have an example. I've actually mentioned this in a previous post, but last semester I turned in an essay that was very personal and I'm happy I did. It is probably the most vulnerable I've ever been in my writing, but it turned out to be one of my strongest pieces. From that point forward I've felt encouraged to write about the things that feel tough to write about. I think the hard stuff is the stuff the connects the deepest with readers. I believe readers appreciate writing that is honest and vulnerable. I think that's what we're craving when we look at paintings, or film, or writing. We desperate for someone to sit down and speak the truth about life and humanity and the things that connect us.
I really like how you commented on the shifting point of views and the idea of a nonlinear story. I love a nonlinear story, they can sometimes get really confusing, sometimes get jumbled, but if you follow them correctly, they create a really interesting version of the story, and sometimes it really gives you that feeling of suspense that helps push the story forward. I also think that the parallel of a nonlinear story to mental health really pulls in that aspect that not everything is as it seems, and mental health can shape our perception of reality. As someone who is double majoring in psychology and creative writing, it is one of those essays I feel a well-rounded sense of understanding for the way it is written and how it makes sense to the story and the mentality of this woman, which is also why I also enjoyed the juxtaposition of the house and pregnancy. This seems like such an easy one to do, but it is always interesting when someone does it. Tying in pregnancy to the other things going on around the persons life always seems like an interesting way to tell a story, it all just works together.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a very complicated discussion when talking about how far we can take creativity, because like you talked about, getting caught up or confused is never fun, and we never know if it is for the sake of creativity or just forgetfulness from the writer. The questions you posed are all super complicated questions with really diverse and interesting answers, and I think it always falls back onto whoever is reading it and deciding how it works for them.
For me, fear used to run my writing. I would only write what I thought would sell or what others would like. I was terrified of people seeing the writing I hid away because I knew it was horrible or would never go anywhere or I was embarrassed by it. That was until I got two pieces of really good advice:
Write what you want first so you can write what you need to later.
and
Just let your writing suck, eventually it will be good.
These pieces of advice really helped me get over my hump of fear of bad writing or writing what i wanted to. Because at the end of the day, my writing is my own, and eventually someone will want to read it too.
This piece is unique because she ties in her pregnancy to the renovations of the house. Much like a person becoming pregnant there are changes that one goes through much like the changes a house can go through. Often times a woman may not feel like the same person as she gets further along in her pregnancy and often times as houses continue to be changed, they might not seem like the same house. The idea she is making her is trying to reflect the same feelings one has to something so different. It's not often that we read about a pregnancy being compared to that of a house.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question, I find that it is easier to write about things you know or have been through. This, however, can be very personal and may cause you to stray away from writing about these things, at least that is for me. I find myself trying to write about personal ideas but always feel as though I am not doing justice to the piece and then stop. I often resort to where I feel comfortable which feels bland and boring when I read it after I am done.
Great post! While I too found myself occasionally struggling to keep up with the narrator’s perspective (specifically at the end when the POV shifts to the workers that last time), for the most part I found the focus to be clear. I loved how this story was told. In writing this in an omniscient third person, I felt that Berlin was able to capture the surrealness felt the day after a trauma has occurred. This essay had the feel of a muddled confusion; like it was murky and blank, but in no way lacking. I used “surreal” earlier because Berlin was able to capture this feeling of being stunned and lost. For me what the essay came down to was expressing “what do you do after finding out your baby is dying”? Who knows. The sun still rises, and you have to let the workers come fix your home. Who are you now? What is normal and will it ever be again? In writing this essay in the style she does, I felt Berlin was both utilizing this distance to really amplify the “woman’s” aloneness and the murky events after such a weighty trauma. I think this was an excellent piece.
ReplyDeleteI still always struggle sharing what I’ve written just because what I like to think of as my “written mission” is to be as excruciatingly honest as possible. I want to be vulnerable and naked with everything. I wrote this poem last January about one of my brothers where I’m terrified of him growing older because it means he’s going to lose his ability to walk. I actually bawled writing it. I’ve cried writing a lot of my stuff and if I could exist in that state of open rawness forever, I would. When I write I don’t just want to be seen as “honest”, but instead I want to be so exposed that when someone reads what I’ve written they come away thinking “wow he’s flawed”. In my last essay for this class, I wrote about my other brother, and the worst part about it was the entire piece is about me dealing with my own anger and grief. And I think that’s what being human is; we’re all selfish and giving, obsessed with ourselves and brutally aware of the people around us. And I know, all of this sounds pretty pretentious and is probably a bit idyllic but the caveat to that is even writing this I struggled to post it. It’s so scary trying to be vulnerable because if all of this gets rejected then it’s just like I’m being rejected too.
P.S. I wasn’t able to work this in but “being honest and vulnerable” doesn’t mean we’re talking about trauma/tragedy. I think of honesty as existing as ourselves.
Hey Izzy! Great post and questions. You make a lot of great points about how Berlin’s style of writing works and makes the story unique and that much better to read. I enjoyed reading this piece I felt like as readers, we could really see what the main character was feeling and thinking (Who wishes for a flood?) and understand her mentality/struggle. I also thought the thinking and feelings of the workers were unique and interesting to explore as well as to compare their thoughts on the house as it is built to the main character’s thoughts on her baby as it is being “built” (and issues that may arise or halt the building and the excitement about it).
ReplyDeleteAs a writer, sometimes I’ve seen ways other writers have written something and thought it would be cool to try and write that way, but didn’t really have an idea to make it a reality, or sometimes I have an idea but I’m not sure how I want to write it the way I want to (or how I see it in my mind). I also don’t want to risk being too cheesy, too boring, or too weird for anyone to like or appreciate what I’m writing. I’ve learned to not let fear get into my writing as much, though it sometimes creeps in, you really have to let go of your inhibitions and see where the wind (or in this case your writing) might take you. You might be surprised and I feel like my writing has gotten so much better over the years because of it.
Great analysis and questions, Izzy! I also found Berlin’s juxtaposition of her pregnancy and home repairs quite interesting. At first blush, these would seem to be unrelated events. However, Berlin cements (sorry!) this connection. She even writes of the “construction” of the words she will use to explain her pregnancy. Like you, I also found myself wanting greater clarity regarding the specific problems she was experiencing with her pregnancy. I found this the more salient issue; and, at times, I felt that her remarks on the home repairs were distracting from this more critical issue. You raise the issue of vulnerability, and that certain applies to this piece. For instance, Berlin writes about possibly having to “wish the baby dead.” Hard to be more vulnerable than that.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time that she is experiencing these very difficult emotions, she carries on as if everything is okay. Rather than sharing these emotions with the workers, she simply directs them “this way.” The workers likely have no idea of her true state of mind. Based on the reflection that follows this piece, it appears that her baby was a four-year-old son when she started writing the piece. Assuming this is the case, would her son want her to write this piece? Indeed, she writes about the ethical issues involved when “writing about someone who didn’t ask to be written about.” I believe this is a very important issue that all of us need to consider when we write a nonfiction piece. After all, it’s rather impractical to get written authorization from everyone we discuss in our writing.
This piece also resonated with me personally. I remember well the mixture of joy and fear when my wife and I went to the clinic for her ultrasound. For us, everything was normal, so we did not experience the emotions Berlin faced. However, our son was born prematurely and was in neonatal intensive care for 10 days. This is an experience that I have been unable to write about, although I guess I’m doing so here. Even though that was 25 years ago and our son is now a healthy young adult, it is still difficult to reflect back on that time. I suspect that I will never write about this in any detail. Not that my son or wife would object, but I just prefer not to dwell on this too much. However, I suspect that many would find it cathartic to share such trying experiences in writing.
I think there is always some sort of hesitance in writing as in society especially now there is not much of a middle ground for something but it's always two sides and as a writer you have to kind of just blank out that side that could be against what you're trying to write. The crazy thing about being in such an online world where everything you've basically ever done is recorded or posted online for everyone to see is that people can make judgements on it and paint you as something you aren't or they can blatantly lie and people will believe it. I think sometimes you can go into it with confidence and other times you can go into writing with some fears especially if you're writing about a topic that is seen as controversial or really polarizing and will have some people upset even if you're writing about the truth some people just don't want to see it and will have a pre formed thought of it as bad in their heads. I think the backlash would be the biggest fear but I've also seen Stephen King say some things on Twitter that would certainly divide his audience which I think if you're a writer you want to try your best to not divide people or your audience because then you lose a huge portion of your audience and that will impact the money you make in the long run. I think we also see this kind of fear with Stephen king too with him using different names for his stories so that way he can write what he wants to at the time without it impacting his name that's affiliated with horror and mystery and he changed his name to be able to enter into other genres without the big impact.
ReplyDeleteIzzy, some great questions as always! This is a really tough essay (from both an emotional and creative perspective), and your questions do a good job of addressing both.
ReplyDeleteLike a few others have mentioned, I was confused at times as to the status of her pregnancy and the son it gives her. In some places it seems as though she didn’t want the child because she didn’t want ANY child (such as when she “wishes the baby dead”), and at other times it sounds like she wants A child but not the potentially “defective” one that she suspects she is carrying after the 18-week ultrasound. In the latter case, it seems that the sonographer may have detected a developmental issue during the ultrasound, perhaps something related/pointing to a physical or intellectual disability(?). And even in her recap of the essay (the page or two after the essay itself), I wasn’t sure if the “fiction” she mentioned writing was one where her baby survived and was born healthy.
Despite my confusion, I still found a lot to love in this essay, depressing as it was. I love the connection she draws between her pregnancy and the work being done on her house—the parallel between the broken-down house and the “house” of her womb in pregnancy is such an intense one. This perceived brokenness is a tragically common thread among pregnant women and mothers, particularly when something is “wrong” with the pregnancy or child. Because the baby is growing in her belly, she feels that any hiccups or issues are entirely her fault, a result of her “quirky,” unsturdy body/house.
There’s also the loss of agency/control over her house/body that the narrator, like many pregnant women, experience throughout their pregnancies. This really came into focus for me on page 26, when she describes how “the men ring the bell out of politeness, despite the front door being wide open for them to come in and out, bang in and out,” reminiscent of the constant examinations and appointments that modern pregnancies entail. Not counting the human growing inside of her, the narrator must endure the entrance and presence of countless other people in her own body, checking the circuitry, repairing the plaster, etc. She feels terrible for waiting 18 weeks to get an ultrasound, blaming herself for whatever is/is not wrong with her baby because she did not immediately give over control of her body to midwives and MDs.
As for the question of the emotional depth of this essay, it hit home so hard for me that I didn’t even want to read it at first. I have always, always wanted to be a mom, so naturally, I am terrified that I will not be able to BE a mom. Since I was a teenager, I have been convinced, in a morbid, anxiety-inducing way, that I will not be able to have children, that I am barren, that any pregnancy I could begin would end in miscarriage or stillbirth. It doesn’t matter that my mother had three uneventful pregnancies and three healthy children—it seems certain that this will not be the case for me. And it seems that every class I’ve taken has had a story or essay about a miscarriage, reviving my fears. One of these stories/essays even included the statistic that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, which is about the most dreadful “fun fact” I’ve ever heard. But at least Berlin’s pregnancy ended well (I hope/assume). Either way, her essay is an emotional sucker-punch, so, well done, Berlin.
I think that there is never such a thing as too vulnerable in your writing. Especially when it comes to a true and honest female perspective. For so long so mnay things surrounding women were seen as tabboo and hardly ever discusses let alone published about. I think vulnerability is crucial to open up these narratives and allow women to come through as real people in their writing. People who have struggle and desire and can help other people struggling feel supported and . That being said I also think there is great fear in writing in a vulnerable way. I have experienced this many times and even opted for a safer option. I think that writing in a vulnerable way is far more challenging for the writer rather the reader. When women are still help to a societal standard it can be hard to dig out some of those aspects you were taught to not let bother you. I've learned that if it's important to you, it's definitely relatable to others, and just because it's not often discussed doesn't mean it doesn't need to be. Those were my biggest takeaways while reading this essay anf I found it's tone and topic matter to be extremely powerful as a woman myself.
ReplyDeleteI think that shifting points of view can be very valuable in some writing. The way Monica uses this in her writing is effective to an extent I think. Sometimes, when shifting points of view, if you're not careful, it can deter the reader from the intended meaning if they are unable to follow the story because of the change. On the other hand, shifting points of view can be a great way to gain perspective, and show as a writer that you are considering more than one perspective or even bring two thoughts together and be able to compare and contrast them.
ReplyDeleteIn my life, there are soooooo many things I want to write about and I definitely let fear get the best of me most times. Especially on topics of race or inequality. I've spent much time thinking about these topics and asking myself if my perspectives are clear or if they need to be reevaluated. I'm learning, especially as a college student, that educated individuals as us NEED to use our voices and speak about hard topics, even if we are afraid. If we won't do it, who will? Matter of fact, in many situations we are the ones that become the voice for so many others who have not had the opportunity to learn or grow further in accessible knowledge. Because of this I often feel a sort of guilt for not having confidence in my writing, but the fact that I recognize this gives me hope that eventually I will find my true voice and be so solid in it that I'm able to express my points of view authentically and confidently.
Thanks to BJ, I think we're all learning and growing in this even more!
Thanks for leading us this week Izzy!
ReplyDeleteI CONSTANTLY struggle with this. I've spent a lot of time brainstorming essay ideas for this class because there's a lot of issues and things I've endured that I COULD write about but can't because of ethical issues, the voice I typically try to use and also my issues with being vulnerable in group settings. I like to write about things that make other people smile and laugh because workshop is usually an emotionally heavy space and I want to provide some light-hearted levity. It's dumb and hypocritical to think that I can't write about the rougher edges of my life without being a burden onto others because I certainly don't think that about everybody else. I guess I'm just not there yet.
Well, that's not entirely true. In ENGL 311 I wrote a piece about the protests over George Floyd's murder. Even though I spent a lot of time on it, I absolutely rushed the ending and submitted it last minute. It ended up being just plain awful. It got workshopped in front of the class and it didn't hit me until I read it out loud just how self-aggrandizing it was, despite the points I was making about people co-opting the movement for self-glorification. Part of me was mad at my professor for giving us only 5 minutes to workshop my piece, but I was so overwhelming mad at myself that I've distanced myself from writing anything too terribly serious ever since. I took another crack at it for the Covid Reflections piece and think that I did a better job, but my confidence is still pretty shaken.
Also to tie in the Monica Berlin essay--one way to make sure an essay isn't "too" vulnerable is to tie in elements that are related to the sensitive subject matter that can be explored with a lower emotional intensity. The descriptions and narrative with the workers contributes to this quite effectively. They have their own agency, their own backstory and their own dynamics within the story. While they still carry on this wistful, sentimental tone, it gives the reader a bit more room to breathe while still engaging them in the theme of this essay.
DeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you about letting my fear of being too vulnerable hold me back from writing about a specific topic. Whenever this happens to me, which is fairly often, I usually see that as being an indicator that I simply need more time to sit and ponder upon the subject that I feel is too vulnerable to share. I usually find that if I wait and let myself sort my thoughts for some time, I will eventually be ready to write about that subject and feel comfortable sharing it. I think you can only be as vulnerable as you feel comfortable being, though there also isn't really a limit to how vulnerable you can be in your own writing, so long as you are comfortable with writing it. (Hopefully that makes sense. I think it does?)
Great post! I found this essay really interesting, it is sort of pushing my understanding of what an essay is, and I like that. It doesn't feel like a traditional essay, and I think that is part of the reason it is so effective. From the beginning it stands out because it is being told from third person point of view. This point of view makes it feel much more like a story than a traditional essay because, as a reader, I feel like the narrator is telling me the story of this woman, even though the woman is herself. Izzy brought up this idea that it can be scary to write about things that make us feel vulnerable or incredibly sad, and how do we wrestle with wanting to write about it? Here, I think we the author wrote in third person to detach herself from in in a way. She removes some of the pain by telling the story of this unnamed woman. Personally, I don't know how much I would use this method of writing because I tend to write about hard things after I understand those experiences and then writing about them is sort of my ownership over that experience. However, I never know what life will bring me and if I will need to feel more detached from my writing one day.
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